Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
