He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
