Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
