hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
