Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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