I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
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apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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