Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
