no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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