I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
