I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
