You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
