so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
