no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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