the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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