R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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