Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize