Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
