I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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