just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
