She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
