Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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