its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
