i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
