If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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