omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
