Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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