Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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