her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
