He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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