Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
