"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
