i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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