You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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