Dual....:-)
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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