tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
