yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
