I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
