we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
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We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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