we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
