I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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