Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
