Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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