erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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