Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
