Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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