how can u be prego again
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
