Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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