I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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