seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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