OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
