You just made me feel so damn special
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
