whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
