So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I think your dad took our porno
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
