I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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