i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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