My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
