i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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