It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
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But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
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someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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