Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize