Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
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