She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You made out with two different species that night
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
