sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
if only i could text you this smell
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
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