Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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