Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
