put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
