My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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