Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
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What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize