FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
