booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
