At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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