Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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