I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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