Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
