Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
