for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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