Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
