Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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