chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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