I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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