Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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